There’s a popular song that states Anyone who has
faith is not afraid. It’s a nice tune but I don’t agree with the words.
Throughout the years I have learned bad things can happen to good people. Faith
means knowing that even though something hurts, ultimately, maybe only in the
next world, I’ll find out that pain was for my good. That doesn’t take away the
aching in this world, though.
So, with the war going on there is a bundle of fear resting
on one of my shoulders and a bundle of sadness on the other. Sometimes they’re
lighter and sometimes heavier but they’re always there, even when I’m laughing
and enjoying myself.
What does it mean to have sons fighting in Gaza? It means
jumping to answer every phone call, whether I recognize the number or not, in
the hopes that my son may have had a chance to make a call. It means a heart
stop any time one of the phone calls asks if this is the Silvers family in an
official voice. It means trying to think of ways to be supportive to the wives
and how to make our grandchildren happy. It means knowing that even if my sons
are okay some of the other mothers’ sons are not. It means missing mine and
longing to throw my arms around them. It means praying with tears of hope and supplication.
It means reminding myself over and over that whatever HaShem does is for the
best even if I can’t understand how that can be. It means hoping with all my
heart that clarity will come quickly along with full redemption.
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