If I Let Him

There is a man I look up to who had a lot of sadness in his life. One of his children died as a newborn. His daughter was violently raped. Two sons fought and one killed the other. And the second son subsequently died. Despite his sorrows, this man never faltered in his faith and he wrote mainly beautiful lines.

Your rod and Your staff comfort me, meaning the challenges you send me show me You’re there.

To declare that G-d is just, He’s my rock and there’s no wrong in Him, meaning I accept that I don’t understand everything G-d does, but I believe He has a plan.

Of course, the man I’m referring to is Dovid HaMelech, King David, whose psalms have inspired us for generations. Probably one of his most poignant verses is read every day beginning on the first day of Elul until the conclusion of Simchat Torah. Even if my father and my mother forsake me HaShem will gather me in. I can count of Him to comfort me if I let Him.

This past Shabbat I was sorely in need of comfort. My friend, my neighbor, my mentor was sitting shiva for her youngest son who’d suffered in the hospital for two months. He left behind a wife of one year and three days, along with a newborn daughter. If the situation wasn’t poignant enough, I remembered clearly how the family mourned another son twenty-two years earlier. That son would be thirty-three years old if he had lived. Now, as his sister said, the two brothers will be forever together in the world of truth.

As I lit my Shabbat candles my mind wanted to find reassurance in Dovid’s words but my heart refused to listen. I was sad. I was disappointed that our prayers had not brought a full recovery. And I was angry.

Shabbat morning, as I sat in the synagogue and recited prayers, the words did begin to ebb into my heart. Slowly at first, and then a little faster, I began to remember all the lessons of faith I’ve learned through the years. By the time Shabbat ended I felt a calmness of sorts.

Sunday I looked at the weekly Torah portion, Ki Tavo. Upon entering the Land the people are commanded to erect stones engraved with the words of the Torah on Mt. Eval. On a clear day, this mountain can be seen from my home as can Mt. Gerizim. It is upon these two mountains that the tribes of Israel are instructed to stand and listen to the blessings and the curses to be recited by the Kohen. Mt. G’rizim, blooming and green, symbolizes the blessings while conversely Mt. Eval, dry and barren, represents the curses. It was while reading the commentaries I made a conscious decision. I could choose life and blessings and blossom like Mt. G’rizim or I could choose Mt. Eval and concentrate on negativity. Of course, there are those who choose Mt. Eval and have a wonderful life in the here and now, but I believe there is also The World to Come.

I choose life, blessings, following the Torah. Sometimes life’s hard, sometimes I can’t see the blessings, and sometimes I wonder how following the Torah can help me if the Torah’s Author can take precious souls who follow His ways when they’re so young.

Then I remember King Dovid’s verses and I remember He can comfort me if I let Him. I want to let Him.

 

My novel, Growing With My Cousin, a good summer read, is available at Jewish bookstores and on line at  http://www.feldheim.com/growing-with-my-cousin.html or https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Cousin-Ester-Katz-Silvers/dp/194635113X/